I have three beautiful daughters. As a father I have constantly thought what should I teach my girls before they’re grown? I want to be a positive male role model for them. I want to be their friend, but most importantly I want to be a great father for them.
I am by no means a parenting expert in the educational sense. Everything that I have learned has come from being a parent myself and looking at the example of all the great fathers I have known. My father raised two girls and my father in-law raised 5 girls. I have compiled this list of 30 thing to teach your daughter before she’s grown from my experiences and what I have learned from watching my fathers.
1. You Are Beautiful
The world tends to make girls feel that they need to look a certain way in order to be beautiful. This is so far from the truth. Each individual has a uniqueness about them that makes them beautiful in their own way. As the first male role model in your daughters life it is important that you always tell them they beautiful.
You shouldn’t tell them, “You are beautiful in my eyes,” that implies that they are beautiful just to you. Rather just tell them that they are beautiful. Another way you can teach this to your daughter is by the example you set with your wife. You should tell your wife often that she is beautiful and let your daughter hear that. It is important that she knows how a woman should be treated by a man.
2. Be A Critical Thinker
It’s important to teach your daughter to think for herself. She should question things so that she can learn for herself the truthfulness behind what she is learning or doing. It seems to me that one thing we are losing is critical thinking. More and more people are believing everything they hear and watch.
Social media is a perfect example of this. People see posts on social media and believe them right away without even knowing if it is true, or coming from a credible source. My wife is very strong willed and can really think for herself. She has passed that trait down to my daughters and it is something that I’m trying hard to get them to keep.
At times it can be very frustrating when one of my daughters questions something I tell her. At the same time it makes me proud and creates an even deeper teaching moment. I explain things more fully to her until she understands and really learns it.
3. Be Self Reliant
I want my daughters to grow up and marry the men of their dreams. With that being said, I believe it’s important for my daughters to be able to take care of themselves, and to not always have to rely on others.
4. Be Kind
Just go read through the comment section of almost any website and it’s clear that our culture has a problem with being kind. If people don’t think the same way as others, they feel it is ok to tare each other apart and force them to believe the way they do.
It’s important to teach your daughter you don’t have to believe the same way as others in order to show kindness to them. I believe that Ellen Degeneres is perfect example of showing kindness to others. You can use her as the example for your daughter when you’re teaching her to be kind.
5. Dance Like No Ones Watching
I believe that this goes along with showing your daughter she is beautiful. Spend time dancing with her at home and don’t care what others think about you. By showing her this it will empower her to not care what others think of her and to just dance.
6. Hard Work
Hard work is extremely important to teach your daughter at a young age. My oldest daughter is 7 years old and I am amazed at how much she knows how to do already. She can cook better than I can and when we need a cabinet organized I go to her. However, I believe it is important to not just put your daughter into the stereotypical girl chores around the house such as cooking and cleaning.
My oldest daughter helped me run a skidsteer loader when we were leveling dirt for our lawn. We recently just finished the basement in our home and my three year old daughter was down there with me pretty much every step of the way. She would bring me the tools I needed and helped me put things in from time to time. Bottom line, teach your daughter hard work now and when she grows up she will be able to use the work ethic you taught her to excel through college and her career.
7. Dream Big
There was a poster at my high school with a quote that read,
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”
Norman Vincent Peale
This quote has really stuck with me over the years and is a trait that you should teach your daughter. Dreams are so important and as a father you should encourage her to follow them no matter how big they are or small they are.
8. Have Fun
What’s the point of life if you can’t have fun. I believe that having fun in life is equally as important as working hard. Learn what your daughter loves to do and have fun doing that with her.
9. Laugh Hard
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
Charlie Chaplin
Teach your daughter to laugh often. In her life your daughter is sure to face trials and hard times. If she can find things to laugh at during the hard time she will be unstoppable.
10. Don’t Back Down
I believe that to often in life people fail to succeed at their dreams because they give up to soon and back down mostly due to a lack of faith in themselves. I am not immune to this in my life. Looking back there are multiple times where I regret backing down and not following through with what I had planned.
Teach your daughter not to back down when times get tough or when they are in the face of adversity. Teach her to be strong and to persevere. When I think about not backing down the image that comes to my mind is actually my daughter. About a year ago she decided she wanted to try playing soccer. She had never played before but decided that was the sport for her. She was nervous at first because the other kids on her team had played before.
Her first soccer game she came alive. My sweet little girl became a strong powerful force on the soccer field. At one of her games there was a boy on the opposing team. He was a foot taller than her and they were battling the whole game. In the second half of the game the boy kept shoving my girl to the ground.
My wife and I were getting furious to see our little girl being shoved to the ground. To my surprise she would get back up and keep battling with him After a while of him shoving her she had enough and pushed him to the ground. The boy got up and got right in her face. My daughter stood her ground and stared right back at him.
The image of her staring down that boy fearlessly is what I think about with not backing down. I was so proud of her after that game. I believe that those traits will really help her out in her life and her career when she faces adversity and doesn’t back down.
11. Be Strong
In order for your daughter to keep pushing and following her dreams she needs to be strong. I don’t mean just physically strong, but mentally and emotionally strong. Teach your daughter to exercise her mind, body, and spirit.
12. Have Heart
“Wherever you go, go with all your heart.”
Confucius
Teach you daughter to put her heart into the things she does. Having heart in the things she does will be more powerful than just talent alone. I see people all the time in life where things come easily to them. They are incredibly talented and by all accounts should be wildly successful. The surprising thing to me is that more times than not, they don’t rise to their full potential. They settle and just float along through life.
Someone with heart would kill for their natural talent. The person with the heart will have the drive and passion to make themselves succeed in whatever endeavors they pursue. Teach your daughter the power of having heart.
13. Be Brave
Life can be scary and having the courage to pursue your dreams is also scary. As a child your daughter will also encounter situations where she will need to be brave. Girls can be ruthless and your daughter can be the example of kindness to others. In order to be that example it takes bravery.
My daughter had a friend at school that would tell her she couldn’t be friends with another girl. Her friend would also be mean to the other girl at recess. It really bothered my daughter and she came to my wife and I with the situation. My wife and I counseled with her about the situation. I taught her of the importance to be the example and to lift others up instead of putting them down.
She got the courage to talk to her friend at school and stood up for the other girl. Now she is great friends with the girl she was told she couldn’t be friends with. She has also removed herself from the toxic friendship situation and is much happier. Learning these traits young will help your daughter when she grows up so that she will be able to stand up for herself and others.
14. Respect Yourself
I believe this goes along with You’re Beautiful. Your daughter needs to learn to respect herself. She needs to know that she is a voice that deserves to be heard. That she can make a difference in the world and has great worth. She needs to respect her body and be proud of the person she is. Woman get put into the stereotypical mold of what they are suppose to look like. Teach your daughter to be her own person and be proud of who she is.
15. Be Silly
Show your daughter how to be silly. Dance, sing, joke, and just have fun being around her. When times get tough for her she will remember the silly fun times in her life and that will help propel her through those hard times.
16. Love Yourself
Compliment, compliment, compliment. Always tell your daughter how incredible she is. Have discussions with your wife when you know your daughter can hear. Tell your wife how incredible your daughter is and how proud your are of her. Focus on all the things she is doing great. By doing all of this your daughter will know that she is smart, incredible, and beautiful. Something else that will help with this as well is always complimenting your wife as well.
17. Importance Of Her Word
“Mama was a stickler on keeping your word. That’s helped me to make the right decisions in so many situations. Because of that, I also think really hard before I make a decision because I know I have to see it through.”
Reba McEntire
If your daughter says she is going to do something make sure she does it. Life is so hectic and busy it is really easy to just let things go and really miss a learning opportunity. I am guilty of this with my kids. At times I will ask my daughter to do something. She will tell me she’s going to do it and then it doesn’t get done.
Instead of taking the time to have her do it I end up just doing the task to ultimately save time. What I’ve been working harder on is taking the time to ensure that she does the things she says she’s going to do. Then taking the time to talk to her about the importance of keeping your word.
18. How To Face Her Fears
One of my professors in college said something to the class that really impacted me. He said that in life to have true growth you need to put yourself in uncomfortable situations. If you are not uncomfortable you are not truly learning and growing. You have to learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable.
Teach your daughter to face her fears while she is young. When we are chained down by fear that fear controls us. I use to hate speaking in front of people. I loathed it and it was a true fear of mine. By sure fate I ended up in a career teaching adults. It terrified me at first and I was very uncomfortable. Now I love it. I love getting up in front of people and teaching them something new. I love helping them learn how to do their job.
My daughter gets really scared when she tries something new. When she is put in a situation with new people and new activity she clams up and doesn’t want to go. I keep putting her in different activities and encourage her to try new things so that she can work on that fear. So that one day she will be comfortable being uncomfortable.
19. How To Push Herself
There is not that big of a gap between someone that is successful and someone that is mediocre. The person that is successful is the one that shows up early and stays late. The person that keeps pushing and keeps growing. Teach your daughter to constantly be pushing and growing. If she is talented at something and wants to pursue that teach her to keep improving and pushing.
Whether it’s smarts at school, dance, gym, sports, or anything in between teach her to not let up because of the talent. Teach her to keep trying and improving. In life that will help her immensely at being the best at whatever she wants to do.
20. Importance Of Family
Show your daughter the importance of family by your example. The effort that you put in to your family will naturally show your daughter the importance of family. Make your very best effort to make it to her dances, games, recitals, or whatever she chooses to do in life. Be present in your family when you’re home. Leave work at work and spend quality time with your daughter.
21. Follow Through
This is something that I haven’t mastered. I start things at times and don’t follow them through to the end. When I do end up following through it is so rewarding on the other side. Teach your daughter to follow through with the decisions she makes in life. At times following through could take significant effort on your end. Every year at my daughters school they have a fun run at the beginning of the year.
The first year she did it in kindergarten she finished towards the top of her grade. When she was in first grade she really wanted to win. The race was a mile long and I told her that if she wanted to win she would need to practice before the race.
I ran a mile with her every night after work for two months before the race. I’m not a runner and just a few days into the practicing I got terrible shin splints. I had to really muscle through it and actually show her follow through. In the end it paid off and she was able to run a 7:36 mile and take second place.
22. Importance Of Failure
“It’s failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.”
Ellen DeGeneres
In life we learn the most through failure. If you are too afraid to fail then you will never have the chance to succeed. Teach your daughter that when we fail the lessons she will learn from that failure are invaluable. She will never forget those lessons and if she keeps pushing and follows through she will succeed. No one is ever perfect and no one goes through life without ever failing. Few people get back up after they’ve failed and keep pushing.
23. Unconditional Love
Show your daughter unconditional love. No matter what she does or what hurtful things she may say to you at times show her love. Don’t put her down or say hurtful things back. Show her love always. Through your example she will learn how to have unconditional love for others.
24. Be Creative
Teach your daughter to think outside the box. To look at things in a different light. That is where new ideas and great things come into play. Foster an environment of creativity with her. Don’t raise her to be a brick, instead raise her to be like a unique stone.
25. How To Show Love
Teach your daughter how to show love to others. This can be done by your example of showing love towards your wife. Giving your daughter a pet is also a great way teach your daughter to show love. In order to take care of the pet she will have to put in hard work and give up her time and energy for her pet. This will help her to show love to others.
26. Be Heard
Teach your daughter to have a voice. Let her be assertive with you. Don’t be too quick to shut her down or make her quiet. Let her know that her voice matters and that she deserves to be heard. That her voice makes a difference and matters. When she is talking to her show her voice matters by giving her your attention. Take your eyes off of your phone and really listen to her.
Respond to her stories and ask questions instead of mindlessly nodding and thinking about work or getting back to your phone. If her own father doesn’t think what she says matters why would she believe that other people want to hear what she has to say.
27. How To Fuel Her Passions
When your daughter finds something that she is truly passionate about help her fuel that passion. Help her find ways to keep pursuing it and improving it. As she goes through life if she is truly passionate about something nothing will be able to stop her or get in her way.
28. How To Change A Tire
Changing tires and working on cars are not just for boys. Empower your daughter by teaching how to change a tire on a car. Teach her how to change her oil and if you’re comfortable enough even brakes. Maybe she won’t do these things when she grows up, but having that knowledge will be invaluable to her.
29. It’s Ok Not To Be An Expert At Everything
Teach your daughter that it is ok to not know everything. Let her teach you something that you don’t know. Show her that even her father, her super hero, doesn’t know everything. Teach her that it is healthy to seek advice from others. Teach her the power of having a great mentor in her life to help give her advice.
30. Don’t Worry What Other People Think
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner”
Lao Tzu
Teach your daughter to be herself, to pursue her dreams, and to not worry what other people think. Teach her to be opinionated to let her voice be heard and to think for herself. Teach her to not be a prisoner of others. Teach her not to just float along through life, but rather to be the strong powerful woman she is meant to be.